James Bond - the theme songs
You only live 23 times in 50 years

Bond-age popular music themes

October 5th marked the 50th anniversary for the premiere of Dr. No - the very first James Bond film (not counting the 1954 television adaptation of the same novel). Since then another 22 films have followed; the newcomer, Skyfall, was premiered on October 26th 2012. James Bond is a fictional character. He came to life in 1953 through the novel Casino Royale, as a cold war warrior. Unbeatable, untouchable. An officer and a gentleman. A womanizer. Licensed to kill, licensed to kiss. With a love for sports cars, Martinis, Champagne (Dom Perignon, Bollinger or Taittinger, depending on the circumstances - or the actor), and, uh... scrambled eggs.

So, why didn't he retire when the cold war ebbed? His "father" Ian Fleming died as early as in 1964, but his son's still alive - kicking, fighting, drinking, kissing, killing. Anyway, this isn't about the films, but the music, which isn't fictious at all. A bit affected (or effected), of course, but 100% substantial popular songs of their time. Some songs live forever. Some songs have nine lives, while others don't deserve to live on at all. Or, rather, they'd better be forgotten. The sooner, the better. This is why I decided to have a snap-through quality control of the James Bond jukebox just to sort things out. First, let's browse quickly through the list, chronologically:

My first thought was simply just to listen through the candidates, for then to list the 'Top 10': the best James Bond songs throughout 50 years. Then, I got the idea of listing a 'Bottom 5': the worst songs throughout the history of the films. I decided to go for both, but I also decided to throw a survey, to collect data for these lists. Making these two lists not just my personal ranking, but a ranking done by a list of contributors.

I also had to do some exclusions of songs. A couple of Bond films had an extra song put in almost being a theme song. These are: Dr. No which had "Kingston Calypso" performed by Byron Lee and the Dragonaires (who also appeared in the film) thrown in, while On Her Majesty's Secret Service had the excellent "We Have All the Time in the World" performed by Louis Armstrong. I also skipped the unofficial Bond-film, or the 'bastard son' of the Bond family; the 1967 version of Casino Royale (credited to a sextet of film directors, including legendary John Huston, who's also one of the actors in this spy comedy along with David Niven, Peter Sellers, Orson Welles, Woody Allen, plus plus...). Its song was "The Look Of Love" (by Bacharach/David), which was sung by Dusty Springfield. But, since this isn't an official Bond film, I kept it out of the competition. Trivia aside, let's get to the votes. But, first, the voting system:
Each participant ranked all the entries and assigned twelve points to their favourite entry, ten points to their second favourite entry, and eight down to one point to their third to tenth favourites. Secondly, the voting system for the Bottom 5: minus 9 points to the worst song ever, minus 7 points to the second worst, minus 5 to the third, minus 3 to the fourth, and finally minus one point to the 'least worst'. Let's go to the result for this informal 'Bad and Ugly Award'. Since this query was supported by 4 voters only, the data collection is a bit to thin to make this a valid survey research result. Anyway, here's the score:

In split fourth (4th) place: "Licence to Kill", performed by Gladys Knight, and "Another Way to Die", performed by Jack White and Alicia Keys : score: minus 8 points

In third (3rd) place: "All Time High", performed by Rita Coolidge : score: minus 9 points

In second (2nd) place: "You Know My Name", performed by Chris Cornell : score: minus 18 points

And, yes, the winner of the all time low James Bond theme song 2012 award: ..... drum rooooooll:
"Die Another Day", performed by Madonna! Score: minus 22 points. Congrats.

Finally, here's the scoreboard and the results for the Top 10 Bond Theme Songs. But, first, a joke from the aforementioned 'fake-Bond', Casino Royale of 1967:
Vesper Lynd (played by Ursula Andress): "Mr Evelyn Tremble?"
Evelyn Tremble (played by Peter Sellers): "Yes, that's right."
Vesper Lynd: "Isn't Evelyn a girl's name?"
Evelyn Tremble: "No, it's mine, actually."

Only thriteen (13) people participated in the voting for the best James Bond song - which wasn't bad for this short notice poll. The 'Top 3' was a close race, as they distanced the other songs almost from the first vote. So, in a split 9th place, both with 23 points....:
"Nobody Does It Better", performed by Carly Simon, and "The World Is Not Enough", performed by Garbage.

So, there's only one winner here, and.... that's.... drum roll.... drum roll... dimmed lights... drum roll... drum roll... Quiet... In first place and the winner of the gold medal.... Here it is... the signature itself:
"James Bond Theme", by John Barry & Orchestra. Score: 97 points.

After all, the winner didn't come as a big surprise. After all, it's been used throughout all the 23 films, as the main signature fanfare. Written in surf rock style because surf rock was hot at the time, 50 years ago. Since then it's been an audible trademark for James Bond, and it's been covered by artists such as: Count Basie, The Art of Noise, Johnny and the Hurricanes, Moby, Billy Strange, The Ventures, John Zorn, to name a few (and quite different acts). Well, nothing more to say, then. Maybe a drink to chill down with. A medium dry martini, lemon peel. Shaken, not stirred.

Copyright © 2012 Håvard Oppøyen